Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Living Life: An Update

Some of you have kindly inquired about my absence from this blog.

With Bill Gothard now publicly exposed for the predatory mountebank he is, the Duggar family under media scrutiny, and groups like Homeschoolers Anonymous championing every child's right to a non-abusive education, my compulsion to write has greatly diminished.

With boundaries protecting me from toxic relationships and much old emotional trauma finally expressed in a coherent fashion, my health, physical and mental, has dramatically improved. The past feels far more distant than it ever did before. For months, I was afraid to say this aloud in case everything fell apart again, but now that the year is half over, I'm feeling more confident. :)

So, while other able communicators have been blogging about the toxicity of ATI and fundamentalist Christianity, about abusive homeschooling and cult recovery and gender equality and raising kids without religion, I have been off having adventures and new experiences!

I had my ears pierced in March--a milestone made even more special because Chris and my little brother were there to celebrate it with me.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt came out on Netflix and we watched the entire series in just a few days.
I had my first martini.
I made a new friend.

Dancing together on "prom night" last mont
Chris and I kept taking dance lessons in April. He has now passed me in his understanding of the lindy hop steps. Dancing continues to be both challenging and fun. I'm glad my therapist prescribed it. :)

We're learning new steps in the dance of our relationship, too. Changing the pattern, adapting to one another, feeling our connection, moving apart and coming back together.

In May, Chris and and I drove across the country to see my little sister graduate with high honors--the first female in my family to earn a bachelor's degree. I was so proud of her, and a little envious, too. And I am so grateful to the dear friends who supported me through that very emotional week!

Then school let out. We went on a beach vacation and had more family adventures:

At our house, summer break means picnics, swimming, board games, playdates and parties, trips to the library, handwriting and typing practice, cooking lessons, and sometimes even ice cream for dinner. I'm helping my tweens find the volunteer opportunities they need for school credit. So far they've helped paint a theater set, sorted donated infant clothing, and made blankets for a special needs early education center.

Having three kids home all day is sometimes exhausting. How did I ever homeschool??

And speaking of school, I've dusted off my Spanish textbook. Next semester I return to complete the college course I had to withdraw from three years ago. I knew the term PTSD back then, but thought it was something that affected soldiers. What an educational journey it has been!

I do intend to finish writing our courtship story, eventually. But lately it's been more important to me to enjoy my relationships, or even a large glass of wine. To savor good feelings and allow myself to experience less comfortable ones. To risk disappointment. To practice being human and encourage my kids to do the same.

There are probably more words inside. They will come out when they are ready.

In the meantime, there is life to be lived.

         There are cuisines to try, drinks to taste, and music to hear.
                                   People to love.

                      Dances to learn.

                                        Places to explore!